Living the MARBLELIFE

October 15, 2010

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Every Thursday, Zengage brings you a classic correspondence from the Write The Company archives.  (For more, see our interview with Write The Company.)

Living the MARBLELIFE

How versatile is marble polish? I had no idea until after I rolled out this letter to MARBLELIFE…

Dear Marble Mavens,

I’m inquiring about your marble polish. How would this product work on real marbles?

Will it shine up an entire collection? Would the colors glow brighter than a bald man’s scalp on a sunny day? Could the marbles become so smooth that they would roll faster than a car with no brakes down Lombard Street in San Francisco?

Why do you think marble (limestone that is more or less crystallized by metamorphism, that ranges from granular to compact in texture, and that is used especially in architecture and sculpture) is also called the same thing as marble (a little ball made of a hard substance, as glass, and used in various games)?

You probably think I’ve lost all my marbles, but I haven’t. Only some of them.

A Vice President from MARBLELIFE responded with

Thank you for your inquiry to our Customer Care Dept. Specifically, Marble Polish will produce a higher shine on natural marble or your “real” marble from your collections. When used as directed Marble Polish will profile the surface of a stone smoother thereby glossier which could roll faster. But I must state the process is for a real natural marble and not the “toy” marble commonly produced from glass or clay.

Regarding Lombard Street statement I would relate to BPP or Breakthrough Physics Propulsion theory and or physics and gravity and how the properties of different weighted materials relate to downward propulsion. Please review theories from Tycho, Galileo, Kepler and Newton. It’s quite extraordinary and your question regarding “faster than a car with no brakes” remains to be seen. The testing of your thought of car vs. marble and physic of propulsion would be depended upon a final test and I would caution you if you try this test. Your liability would be fortuitous for a good attorney.

Architecture and sculpture have two different criteria’s whereas antique sculptures (Statue of David) are generally made from alabaster or statutory white stone. Architecture Limestone would be too difficult to carve into a definitive outline due to its crystalline structure and soft porosity. In our trade we recognize Limestone as a soft absorbing material with a Mohs hardness of 3 and Marble as a denser material with a Mohs hardness of 4 to 4.5 and being a product of nature both will have variables in hardness’s from 1 sq. cm to the next sq. cm which makes some stones unsuitable for one or the other criteria.

Understanding well that natural marbles do come from many sources depending upon what’s available within the proximity of a child’s reach but rest assure if you use Marble Polish to individually polish each natural round marble you will be happy with your undertakings.

Final Thoughts

Clearly, some company responses are more polished than others. If this is the type of thorough thought they put into an inquiry such as this, can you imagine what kind of superior knowledge and experience supports the stone restoration and maintenance solutions offered by MARBLELIFE?

Whether you’re polishing off marble, marbles or a letter, you may learn more than you ever expected if you Write The Company.

Looking for more laughs from letters to your favorite companies? Visit WriteTheCompany.com.

Today’s letter is republished with permission from Write The Company. All rights reserved. ?© Write The Company

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